33 Everyone Has Thoughts During Hot Yoga

As a Los Angeles native, I was largely raised on green juice, spirituality, and torture masquerading as “self-care.”

One of the most popular ways to make yourself cry in the name of wellness is hot yoga or Bikram yoga if you want to be specific.

If you’ve never done hot yoga, it’s basically bending your body for 60 to 90 minutes in a room where the temperature is 80 to 110 degrees Fahrenheit.

Because someone was like, “Let’s do regular yoga in an oven and watch everyone break out in sweat!”

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But we all keep going. Why?

Because the benefits of hot yoga include burning calories and increasing your flexibility, and we also know that by the end, we’ll feel better, brighter and full of endorphins.

And sweaty. We must be sweaty.

Tips for Surviving Hot Yoga

If you want to make your hot yoga experience a little less uncomfortable, be sure to bring a ton of water, a towel or towel (one to put on your mat to wipe sweat and prevent slipping), a change of clothes, a yoga mat. , an igloo, a therapist, and a large pizza

(Wait. For the end after class.)

Wear as little or as little clothing as possible, and avoid wearing makeup, because it will drip off your face, I don’t care how sweatproof it is.

Here are a few of my many thoughts before and during a hot yoga class, to give some cohesion to the aches and pains of this sweat-inducing workout.

33 Everyone Has Thoughts During Hot Yoga

1. I don’t need to spend $200 on new yoga clothes. No need to see me sweat in pink sparkly spandex.

2. I have never stretched anything on my body in my entire life. i can clearly Conduct advanced classes.

3. What makeup should I wear? Like, I know it’s hot yoga, but what if I have a soul mate? Maybe just some mascara and a liquid lip. and contour. You know what, I’ll be moving to Sephora.

4. OK, I’m ready for this. I’m getting centered, finding my zen and taking care of my body.

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5. Do you know what centers me? Tortilla chips. I feel very zen with tortilla chips. I’ll go home and sit down with a bag of tortilla chips.

6. No. You are going to show up. You made a promise to yourself and you will follow through.

7. There is no parking anywhere. This is an indication of Father Vikram himself.

8. OK, going inside. Oh wow. It seems like the Sahara here!

9. I really should have come here earlier. Now I have to squish between Bendy Wendy and the most muscular guy I’ve ever met. I personally feel affected by his eighth ab.

10. OK, I can complete it. Are we starting with breathing? I’m a pro at that.

11. What do you mean, “I’m breathing too hard?” You try breathing inside an actual hot air balloon.

12. It’s been 5 minutes. Am I still showing tone?

13. I’m so hot, I should blur the cable television.

14. Be focused. Just stay. concentrated You’re here to be Zen, so chill and feel good.

15. Are my chakras ‘Feng Shui’ or whatever?

16. It is against my religion to bend like this.

17. Coach calls us all “warriors.” OK, I can get down with it.

18. I can’t see. Sweat in my eyes or am I crying?

19. My makeup is dripping down my neck. Great, now I look like a poor soul stranded on an island on “The Bachelor.”

20. In downward dog. Sweat is running down my spine now.

21. Hey Bendy Wendy: Can you stop sweating on my mat? I’m trying to focus on spreading compassion here.

22. Wow, starting to feel those endorphins! Wait. It can be high before you die.

23. Mmmmm pizza…

24. Why am I the only person who took “feel free to revert to child’s pose anytime” to heart?

25. Everyone’s entire life revolves around judging my inability to do a handstand right now.

26. Thank God, I made it to Shavasana. A time to meditate, relax and reflect on every mistake I made.

27. Did I unplug my curling iron?

28. I’m so sticky, I’m a string of post-it notes.

29. Focus, Chelsea, you’re meditating. to breathe Exhale. to breathe Orange chicken.

30. Should I repaint my bathroom?

31. Breathing. Exhale.

32. I should totally paint it blue.

33. Namaste.

And there you have it: an internal dialogue of shame, exhaustion, and junk food. We hate it, we love it, but we keep coming back.

Hot Yoga, we can’t leave you out.

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